Chitika

Showing posts with label Jokes. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Jokes. Show all posts

Thursday, September 3, 2009

Read This!!

My complaint about Thomas' Calculus

I don't know how to tell you this, but innocent children have been brainwashed by Thomas' Calculus's salacious agendas. Before I launch into my rant, permit me the prelude caveat that Thomas' Calculus's inveracities are based on a denial of reality, on the substitution of a deliberately falsified picture of the world in place of reality. And this dishonesty, this refusal to admit the truth, will have some very serious consequences for all of us when you least expect it. If you ask Thomas' Calculus if it's true that its theatrics do not pass muster by any objective standards, you'll just get a lot of foot-shuffling and downcast eyes in response. Once it becomes clear that by an odd twist of fate, with Thomas' Calculus's morals, simple credos like "check your sources" and "argue the other side of the question" have gone out the window, it becomes apparent that Thomas' Calculus will stop at nothing to devastate vast acres of precious farmland. This may sound outrageous, but if it were fiction I would have thought of something more credible. As it stands, it's our responsibility to increase awareness and understanding of our similarities and differences. That's the first step in trying to explain a few facets of this confusing world around us, and it's the only way to carry out the famous French admonition, écrasez l'infâme!, against its publicity stunts.

Should this be discussed in school? You bet. That's the function of education: To teach students how to purge the darkness from Thomas' Calculus's heart. Let's conduct aGedankenexperiment. Suppose we could create a hypothetical population free of muzzy-headed immoralism enthusiasts. Let's assume, furthermore, that Thomas' Calculus were powerless to treat people like craven, drossy rakes. In this hypothetical situation, wouldn't we all be free to fight to the end for our ideas and ideals? Let's make this dream a reality. Let's get people to realize that the picture I am presenting need not be confined to Thomas' Calculus's politics. It applies to everything it says and does.

Thomas' Calculus just keeps on saying, "We don't give a [expletive deleted] about you. We just want to distract attention from more important issues." According to Thomas' Calculus's distortions, distractions, and outright deceptions, anyone who resists Thomas' Calculus deserves to be crushed. Fortunately, most of the people who are seriously interested in preserving our civilization know that the reality is that Thomas' Calculus's intent is to prevent us from asking questions. It doesn't want the details checked. It doesn't want anyone looking for any facts other than the official facts it presents to us. I wonder if this is because most of its "facts" are false.

Wanting to misdirect our efforts into fighting each other rather than into understanding the nature and endurance of avaricious radicalism is one thing, but why would anybody possibly want to pit people against each other? Any honest person who takes the time to think about that question will be forced to conclude that all the deals it makes are strictly one-way. Thomas' Calculus gets all the rights, and the other party gets all the obligations. To get even the simplest message into the consciousness of self-absorbed lackwits, it has to be repeated at least 50 times. Now, I don't want to insult your intelligence by telling you the following 50 times, but by refusing to act, by refusing to pursue virtue and knowledge, we are giving Thomas' Calculus the power to violate its pledge not to cause wishy-washy subversion to gather momentum on college campuses. Thomas' Calculus has called innocent children scary, flippant shirkers to their faces. This was not a momentary aberration or a slip of the tongue, and hence, we can safely say that it believes that those of us who oppose it would rather run than fight. The real damage that this belief causes actually has nothing to do with the belief itself, but with psychology, human nature, and the skillful psychological manipulation of that nature by Thomas' Calculus and its snotty stooges. The irony is that Thomas' Calculus's most judgmental snow jobs are also its most self-aggrandizing. As the French say, "Les extremes se touchent."

Thomas' Calculus can go on saying that a richly evocative description of a problem automatically implies the correct solution to that problem, but the rest of us have serious problems to deal with that preclude our indulging in such drugged-out dreams just now. Under these conditions, I once overheard Thomas' Calculus say something quite astonishing. Are you strapped in? Thomas' Calculus said that space aliens are out to lay eggs in our innards or ooze their alien hell-slime all over us. Can you believe that? At least its statement made me realize that the main dissensus between me and Thomas' Calculus is that I believe that Thomas' Calculus is allergic to any idea that isn't confused. It, on the other hand, contends that merit is adequately measured by its methods and qualifications. Thomas' Calculus's ravings are a house of mirrors. How are we to find the opening that leads to freedom? Here's the answer, albeit in a somewhat circuitous and roundabout style: Thomas' Calculus's list of sins is long and each one deserves more space than I have here. Therefore, rather than describe each one individually, I'll summarize by stating that if it would abandon its name-calling and false dichotomies it would be much easier for me to make a cause célèbre out of exposing its double standards for what they really are. Now that this letter has come to an end, I hope you walk away from it realizing that Thomas' Calculus plants false evidence to incriminate its adversaries.

Haha....This is such a brilliant and well written Joke. Even KarYan, a friend from ADP admits it. :)

MH~~out

Friday, January 23, 2009

I'm not dirty or anything related to it

Just want to share this thing...

環球小姐機智問答最辣的一題

Question: Ms America, how do you describe a male organ in your country?
問:美國小姐,請形容貴國男性的性器官。

Ms America: Well, I can say that male organs in Americaare like gentlemen.
美國小姐:美國的男性器官像紳士。

Question: How can you say so?
問:為什麼呢?

Ms America: Because it stands every time it sees a woman...... 美國小姐:因為只要一看到女士,他們就會起立 ...... (Applause!Applause!) (鼓掌、鼓掌 )

Question: Ms Spain, how do you describe a male organ in your country?
問:西班牙小姐,請形容貴國男性的性器官。

Ms Spain: Male organs in our country are like our very own Bullfight or Toro(Bull) 西班牙小姐:西班牙的男性器官像鬥牛。

Question: How can you say so?
問:為什麼呢?

Ms Spain: Because it charges every time it sees an opening.
西班牙小姐:因為只要看到有洞就會出擊。 (Applause! Applause !) (鼓掌、鼓掌 )

Question: Ms Philippines, how do you describe a male organ in your country?
問:菲律賓小姐,請形容貴國男性的性器官。

Ms Philippines: Well, I can say that male organs in our country are like gossip or rumors.
菲律賓小姐:菲律賓的男性器官像流言。

Question: How can you say so?
問:為什麼呢?

Ms Philippines: Because it passes from mouth to mouth.
菲律賓小姐:因為它從一張嘴裡傳到另一張嘴裡。 (Applause!Applause! Standing Ovation! Applause! Applause!) (鼓掌、鼓掌,起立喝采,鼓掌、鼓掌 )

Question: Ms Iran, how do you describe a male organ in your Country?
問:伊朗小姐,請形容貴國男性的性器官。

Ms Iran: Well, I can say that male organs in Iranare like thieves.
伊朗小姐:伊朗的男性器官像賊。

Question: How can you say so?
問:為什麼呢?

Ms Iran: Because they like to enter through the back door.
伊朗小姐:因為他們總愛走後門。 (Applause!Applause! Laughter! Laughter! Applause! Applause!) (鼓掌、鼓掌,大笑、大笑,鼓掌、鼓掌 )

Question: Ms India, how do you describe a male organ in your country?
問:印度小姐,請形容貴國男性的性器官。

Ms India: Well, I can say the male organs in Indiaare like labourers.
印度小姐:印度的男性器官像勞力。

Question: How can you say so?
問:為什麼呢?

Ms India: Because it works day and night......
印度小姐:因為日夜勞 '做 ' 。 (Applause!Applause! Applause! Applause! Applause! Applause! Applause!) (鼓掌、鼓掌、鼓掌、鼓掌、鼓掌、鼓掌 )

Question: Ms Malaysia, how do you describe a male organ in your country?
問:馬來西亞小姐,請形容貴國男性的性器官。

Ms Malaysia: Well, I can say that Male Organs in Malaysiaare like Proton car.
馬來西亞小姐:馬來西亞的男性器官像 Proton 牌轎車 ( 馬來西 亞國產車 )。

Question: How can you say so?
問:為什麼呢?

Ms Malaysia: Look tough but actually very soft.
馬來西亞小姐:看起來很硬 (造型類似 HONDA) 其實很軟( 一撞就 變形) 。 (Applause!Applause! Laughter! Laughter! Applause! Applause!) (鼓掌、鼓掌,大笑、大笑,鼓掌、鼓掌 )

Question: Ms Singapore,how do you describe a male organ in your country?
問:新加坡小姐,請形容貴國男性的性器官。

Ms Singapore: Well, I can say that male organ In Singapore is very Kiasu (Afraid to lose).
新加坡小姐:新加坡的男性器官很怕輸。

Question: How can you say so?
問:為什麼呢?

Ms Singapore: It always wants to rush in quick and leave 15 minutes before the show is over.
新加坡小姐:總是衝進場,提前 15分鐘出場。 (Applause! Applause! Applause! Applause! Applause! Applause! Applause!) (鼓掌、鼓掌、鼓掌、鼓掌、鼓掌、鼓掌 )

Question: Ms China, how do you describe a male organ in your country?
問:中國小姐,請形容貴國男性的性器官。

Ms China: Well, I can say that Male Organs in Chinaare like Deng Siu Ping.
中國小姐:中國的男性器官像鄧小平 .

Question: How can you say so?
問:為什麼呢?

Ms China: Short and hard working, but can work until 90.
中國小姐:短小精幹,但卻可以工作到九十歲。 (Applause!Applause! Laughter! Laughter! Applause! Applause!) (鼓掌、鼓掌,大笑、大笑,鼓掌、鼓掌 )

問:台灣 小姐,請形容貴國男性的性器官。 台灣小姐:台灣的男性器官像陳水扁 . 問:為什麼呢? 台灣小姐:明明不行,還要硬拗、賴皮逞強。